The kind of therapy I do with couples is based on an emotionally focused approach known as Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT). When couples disagree, most repeat the following disruptive pattern: blame, criticize, defend, express contempt, distance, and emotionally or physically withdraw. Distress is not about how many fights you have or even if you resolve the fights. Distress is about how you fight, and whether you can retain some sort of emotional connection after the fight. While traditional types of marital counseling tend to be open-ended and seek to solve immediate problems, such as continual arguing, by focusing primarily on behavior change and communication skills, the EFT approach hones in on increasing a couple's appreciation for how each partner feels in order to build trust and a secure base they can each rely on. In this approach, couples learn to recognize the negative cycle they are stuck in, where one person criticizes and the other responds defensively or withdraws. Couples learn to identify the needs and fears that keep them in that cycle. They learn to identify and express their underlying emotions. Partners learn to empathize with each other and become more supportive of each other. Partners come together through the emotional needs they are each expressing, and can begin to comfort each other's needs.
Until a couple is able to identify, acknowledge and ultimately forgive injuries, an emotional gulf persists between them. No matter how disatisfying things have become and how unhappy or angry partners may be, they each need to feel safe in coming together to work out their problems. Each partner needs to understand the emotions dictating their actions. The emotions behind perceived problems are the key to understanding each other. The focus of EFT is to help partner's to understand more clearly each other's deepest emotions. I get to the heart of the matter! As a certified EFT therapist, supervisor, and trainer, Sam's expertise in this model of therapy is recognized by the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT). The primary goals of certification are to promote excellence in the practice of EFT and to ensure maintenance of these standards in both the supervision and training of this approach.
Until a couple is able to identify, acknowledge and ultimately forgive injuries, an emotional gulf persists between them. No matter how disatisfying things have become and how unhappy or angry partners may be, they each need to feel safe in coming together to work out their problems. Each partner needs to understand the emotions dictating their actions. The emotions behind perceived problems are the key to understanding each other. The focus of EFT is to help partner's to understand more clearly each other's deepest emotions. I get to the heart of the matter! As a certified EFT therapist, supervisor, and trainer, Sam's expertise in this model of therapy is recognized by the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT). The primary goals of certification are to promote excellence in the practice of EFT and to ensure maintenance of these standards in both the supervision and training of this approach.